Mother nature must've hated twins
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: Kinoshita is written in Kanji as "under the tree". Strangely related to tree accidents to them.


It all started with a stray cat. More specifically, it all started off with a stray cat that has somehow managed to get stuck in a tree in their backyard, thereby leading Yuuko to rapidly do hand signs that said _Oh Poor Kitty! I'll Go Save It, While You Hold the Ball _to Hideyoshi.

Being the stubborn little kid that she is, Yuuko chooses to ignore Hideyoshi's equally fast hand signs, aptly _I Don't Want to Hold It! Are You Crazy? That's What Firefighters Are For!_, and clambers up the tree. It's only when Yuuko has the cat tucked safely under her arm that she realizes three things: one, the ground is a lot farther away than she thought. Two, she kind of has no idea how to get down. And three, her panties are showing.

"Hiiiideyoshiiiii!" Yuuko wails, "DO SOMETHING!", she then burst into tears and crushing the cat against her chest in a death-hug. The cat's eyes bulge out dangerously.

"I'll get Daddy," Hideyoshi volunteers, and he runs into the house in search of their father, thinking that he should hurry lest Yuuko squeezes the life out of the poor cat.

Upon hearing that there's a cat stuck in the tree, Nappa, now Mr. Kinoshita, pauses in his cleaning, concerned, and heads out of the bathroom. Upon hearing that _Yuuko_ is also stuck in the tree, Nappa rushes out of the house, stubbing his toe, banging his shin, and running into a door frame (in that order) along the way.

"It's okay, Yuuko!" Nappa shouts comfortingly to his crying tomboyish daughter as he hobbles into the backyard. "I'll get you down! Don't worry!" He turns to Hideyoshi. "Hideyoshi, hold this please!"

Wrinkling his nose distastefully, Hideyoshi nevertheless accepts the toilet brush and settles back to watch Nappa very slowly inch his way up the tree, the latter cooing reassurances to Yuuko all the while along with a few self-directed 'Don't look down' and 'Oh dear God this is high'.

It's only when Nappa has a sniffling Yuuko wrapped securely in his arms that he has a few epiphanies: firstly, the tree somehow grew several feet while he was climbing. Secondly, he does not exactly know how to climb backwards. Finally, he forgot how to fly.

"Er, Hideyoshi?" Nappa squeaks (a manly squeak, that is).

"I'll call 995," Hideyoshi offers, and he takes off to find the telephone with the vague notion that he should probably do it before Nappa's weight causes the branch to break and therefore injure the cat.

_Well Respected Citizen and Father Rescued From Tree._

The article, along with a picture of Nappa in all of his apron and rubber gloves clad glory and baldness, takes the front page of the town's newspaper for an entire month.

* * *

><p>"Don't tell me," Yuuko sighs as she wipes a cool washcloth across Hideyoshi's burning forehead. "You tripped over some roots that were hidden by the snow and fell down. And when you were getting up, you ran into a nearby tree trunk and fell down again. Then, your little collision caused the branches to dump a ton of snow on you, and you were buried until someone, I'm guessing Yoshii, found you and dug you out."<p>

Hideyoshi peers up at Yuuko in bleary-eyed wonder - a look that normally would've been cute and flattering had his face not been covered in sweat and snot and other contagious body fluids. "How did you know?" he croaks/hacks/wheezes nasally in amazement.

Yuuko smiles wryly and tucks the comforter more tightly around her younger brother. "Lucky guess," she states simply as Hideyoshi coughs uncontrollably, and pats the boy in blanket-covered mound sympathetically.

Then, Hideyoshi sneezes all over Yuuko's new shirt, and Yuuko becomes unsympathetic pretty quickly.

"MOOOOOM~!"

* * *

><p>Yuuko has no clue as to how Hideyoshi manages to get himself stuck in the tree in their backyard. Neither does Hideyoshi, for that matter, even though he is the one clinging to a tree branch for dear life.<p>

Ticking down her fingers, Yuuko runs through his options. Dad and Mom is at work, the fire department most likely never wants to hear from them again, the trampoline plan was a failure the first and last time they implemented it, and Hideyoshi still doesn't know how to climb down. So that leaves her with…

"I'll go fetch Sakamoto!" Yuuko trots off merrily without waiting for a reply.

Skipping down the block to the residence one house over, Yuuko is delighted to find Sakamoto mowing the front lawn in a sleeveless black shirt. "Yuuji!" she trills, waving enthusiastically.

Yuuji looks up, blanches, and immediately marches off to the back of his house with the lawn mower in tow. Undaunted, Yuuko vaults the fence and follows close behind, taking the time to yell out a greeting to Yuuji's mom.

"Good morning, Sakamoto-kun," Yuuko chirps, plopping herself down on the grass. "Whatcha' doing?"

"Chores," Yuuji grunts, ripping out a few offending weeds with much more violence than necessary. "So stop staring and go away, otherwise Shouko is gonna kill me," he adds pointedly.

"Ooh, how interesting," Yuuko gasps. She then proceeds to babble about anything that comes to mind, from mochi buns to the latest fiasco Yoshii Akihisa made in school, while the taller boy determinedly and futilely attempts to ignore her.

After some time, Yuuji interrupts with, "Hey, did you two idiots get a cat or something?"

Yuuko blinks. "No, why?"

Rising to his feet, Yuuji narrows his eyes. "Because I can hear one."

Sure enough, once she listens for it, Yuuko hears a series of pitiful mewls. Which are coming from the direction of the Kinoshitas' house. Which sound a lot like Hideyoshi. Which are indeed being made by Hideyoshi who has been stranded for the past half-hour that Yuuko spent ogling Yuuji's biceps.

Grumbling irritably about troublesome pain-in-the-ass twins, Yuuji stomps over to the backyard where Hideyoshi is doing his best impression of a cat in distress. When he spots Yuuji, he perks up. "Oi Yuuji! Can you help me down?" he shouted.

"What the...? " Yuuji asked further, "How the hell did you get up there?"

"Well, erm, you see..." As Hideyoshi starts to explain (giving a random excuse or something like that), the boys suddenly heard a loud 'crack!'.

"Oh shit! Hideyoshi! Get off there!"

"But how?" Hideyoshi screamed in fright,

"I dunno!" a frantic Yuuji is getting out of options. "Jump off I guess?"

"Jump off? Seriously?"

"I would catch ya! Come on!"

Hideyoshi shrugs.

"HERE I GO!" Hideyoshi then shouted as he jumped off the breaking branch.

"WHAT THE-? OH MY GOD, HIDEYOSHI!"

It was Yuuko who shouted right behind Yuuji and her falling brother.

"ARE YOU INSANE SAKAMOTO! DON'T DROP HIM, DAMMIT!"

"GET OFF MY—OOF!"

"Hideyoshi, are you alright?"

Brushing off his clothes nonchalantly, Hideyoshi beams up at his older sister and gives a thumbs up. "Yup! Yuuji broke my fall, so I'm good!"

Yuuko inspects their knight in shining black armor and cringes. "Of course he broke your fall, you _landed_ on him."

"Oops." Hideyoshi examines his savior sheepishly. "Eh, I think I might have knocked him out."

"Uh huh. He's down for the count."

"…"

"…"

"We should run before he wakes up."

"Yeah, we probably should."

Needless to say, Shouko had quite the surprise when she visited to play "doctor" (with her as the patient) with Yuuji and discovered him unconscious in his backyard and his neighbors conveniently nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p>High-school art classes are frankly useless. Yuuko doesn't see why drawing trees must be a requirement to graduate, but since she's a decent artist, it's not too bad. She just has to smile and nod whenever the teacher comments on her sketches and make the minor adjustments.<p>

Hideyoshi, who is in the same class, on the other hand most unfortunately, cannot draw anything foliage-related to save his life, let alone an entire tree; although ironically speaking, he was the best actor in the Drama club. Yuuko winces as her brother, pouting in concentration, scrubs the eraser viciously across his sketchpad and then uses his pencil to attack it with a vengeance. Before Yuuko can tell Hideyoshi to take it easy on the paper, the art teacher gets there first.

"Okay, Hideyoshi. Let's see what you have so far." Hideyoshi sets down his pencil stub with a resigned sigh and shows her his work. The teacher takes one look at it, utters a soft yet scandalized "Oh!" and keels over in a dead faint.

Because half the class is busy trying to revive their teacher and the other half is busy trying to get a hold of the nurse, Yuuko peeks over Hideyoshi's shoulder to get a glimpse of what is supposed to be a drawing of a tree. "Huh."

"What is it?" Hideyoshi asks, perplexed.

Pursing her lips, Yuuko squints at that the sketch. Yup, it does bear an eerily striking resemblance to… "That sort of looks like Yoshii's cock," she points out.

Hideyoshi holds the sketchpad at arm's length, tilting his head and squeezing one eye shut. "I think Yuuji's bigger, but yeah, it sort of does," he pronounces, pleased with his own artistic abilities.

They admire the drawing for a few silent moments. "Shall I go get a frame?" Yuuko suggests eventually, finding it difficult to tear her eyes away.

"_No!_" Hideyoshi shook his head vigorously, finally realizing what his sister meant earlier.

The few classmates that have the misfortune of overhearing deem it best not to ask just how the Kinoshita twins (or at least Yuuko for that matter) are so intimately acquainted with Yuuji and Akihisa's crotches.

* * *

><p>"Yuuko, I think that's a bad idea," warns Hideyoshi as his older sister drags a footstool next to the Christmas tree.<p>

Raising an eyebrow, Yuuko steps onto the stool anyway, arms full of ornaments. "How else are we going to reach the top of the tree?" she reasons, hanging a glass snowman on a random branch. "Daddy's making the cake with Mommy, Yuuji, Kouta and Shouko's families aren't arriving until later."

"How about Akihisa?"

"Nah, he is too stupid. He might destroy the tree, no wait, burn down the whole house."

Hideyoshi agreed with his sister for once, Akihisa is indeed notorious for his butterfingers.

"Maybe I could do it instead," Hideyoshi pants as he wrestles with the knotted mess of Christmas lights and tinsel. He is losing miserably.

Waving a hand dismissively, Yuuko adorns the tree with a shimmering blue orb. "Nope! You get the lights and I get the ornaments. Besides, what could-"

"Don't jinx it!" a trussed-up Hideyoshi yelps from his position on the floor, wondering how he tangled _himself_ into the Christmas lights.

Of course, it doesn't matter whether or not Yuuko jinxes it. In standing on her tiptoes to set the gigantic star at the very top, Yuuko loses her balance, and so grabs onto the closest object available to steady herself- in this case, the Christmas tree.

"Uh oh," says Yuuko.

"Uh oh," agrees Hideyoshi.

The tree and Yuuko topple over spectacularly.

In the kitchen, Nappa and Mrs. Kinoshita nearly cried when the Santa Claus cake they has been painstakingly decorating with little swirls and mini candy canes gets inevitably marred when, at the sound of the crash and resulting shrieks, Nappa accidentally squeezes the frosting tube much too hard.

Nappa, as he comforts his wife, stares mournfully at the big glob of chocolate cream that now covers the upper half of the cake, making it seem as though some reindeer took a poop on Vegeta's face.

One of these years, he is going to remember to nail the Christmas tree to the floor.


End file.
